Part 3 of my journey to my calling: Renewed Courage in the Waiting

Over the five weeks I was waiting to hear from City of Refuge in August, I was starting to lose steam. I was able to spend hours each day with the Lord, but I wasn’t always pressing in for a word of hope to cling to for each day. Over Labor Day weekend, at the last minute I was given a free ticket to attend the Influencers Conference with a few friends from church. This was the first of its kind in Atlanta, and I knew nothing about it. I had had the opportunity to go to stay with a friend at the beach that weekend for free, but had a prior commitment for Sunday that I couldn’t back out on. I was pretty torn and disappointed that I couldn’t go to the beach, because I felt like I desperately needed a change of scenery to get me back on track. Little did I know, I “couldn’t” go to the beach because I was supposed to attend this conference. Because the church hosting this conference, which originally started in Australia and was brand new to Atlanta, there was only a small crowd of about 1,000 people in attendance. Brian Houston, head pastor of Hillsong Church, spoke most of the weekend, and Jesus Culture led worship, with their pastor Banning Liebscher speaking some too. If you know any of these names, you know what a treat it was to only have 1,000 people in attendance! Brian’s first talk was called “Anchor.” He opened with Hebrews 6:18-19, “So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” He spoke about the story of  Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. King Nebuchadnezzar threatened to throw them into the fire for worshipping God instead of worshipping his gods. They responded with, “We do not need to defend ourselves in this matter. If we are thrown into the furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it. BUT EVEN IF HE DOESN’T, WE WILL STILL CHOOSE TO NOT BOW DOWN.” (emphasis mine.) Brian was encouraging us to act out of this same heart of trust in our God who is able to deliver us from the fire. I had no idea when God would choose to deliver me from the fire. At this point, it had been a long journey, and I was ready to be delivered. But what a great reminder that these 3 guys were in a literal, red hot fire, and they still chose to have trust in their God that he would eventually deliver them. Then Brian read Psalm 112:6-8, “Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.” He reminded us that just because we may never truly be shaken, if we are steadfastly trusting in the Lord, it doesn’t mean that we will escape feeling a shaking. We are designed to take the shaking but not be shaken loose, and that comes out of being anchored strong in the name of The Lord! My charge for that day? Get back to being strongly anchored in the Word of God and in the name of God. We build our hope through the name and word of God. Our hearts can instruct us only in what they know. So, I needed to get back to “knowing” the word of God. We are not built to live without hope. In Psalm 42:5 David had to tell his soul to hope in God. “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.” We have to keep re educating our soul to find hope in God so that it doesn’t come unhinged. David describes his soul as disquieted, but he redirected from anxiety to God’s name and God’s word! How powerful!

Banning Liebscher followed up two amazing messages from Brian with two powerful, mind shifting messages of his own. My two biggest takeaways from his messages were 1) if you're going to fulfill God's call on your life it takes faith and a massive amount of courage. The enemy comes to disarm you of your courage, to dis-courage you, to cripple you. And 2) most times, in the season after a word is spoken over you, you will see the exact opposite happen. When God promised to bring Israel out of Egypt into the land flowing with milk and honey, they then spent three days in the wilderness. So...my timeline was a bit more extended than three days, but my courage was renewed after being reminded of this. I was losing steam because I wasn’t building myself up with courage. My level of preparation in these things is what determines the outpouring on my life.

In one of my mornings spent with Jesus a few days later, I came upon Romans 15:4-5 that says, “God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you.” I wanted to experience the oil of gladness, and not despair. Courage, and not discouragement. So I dug into the word deeper. I also read Colossians 3:16, “Let the word [spoken by] Christ have its home [in your hearts and minds] and dwell in you in [all its] richness and wisdom.” The word “dwell” here is the greek word enoike. It means to dwell in one and influence him. This encouraged me and spurred me on to dig in and to truly be influenced by God’s Word. That’s where my courage would rise up from. I wanted His Word to dwell richly me in every day. And to let it permeate every single part of my soul and dwell in me till it’s flavor was rich everywhere within in me. Tim Keller says, "Faith is not the absence of thinking, but it is thinking and acting on the basis of the Word and promises of God." I’ve definitely learned that to be true.

At some point, I listened to another message from John Piper pertaining to 2 Peter that God used in order to remind me to find a promise to cling to from the Word for each day...something that would last the whole day, or maybe even several days. But to press in and not stop until I found one. On September 30th, I wrote in my journal:

May grace (God's favor) and peace (which is perfect well-being, all necessary good, all spiritual prosperity, and freedom from fears and conflicts) be multiplied to you in [the full, personal, and correct] knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. (2 Peter 1:2 AMP)

Peter cannot get past his second sentence in chapter 1 without exposing one of his deepest convictions: that knowing God is the means by which grace and peace become large and powerful in our lives. If you want to enjoy God's peace and be the aroma of his grace in the world, your knowledge of him has to grow- the knowledge of His glory and excellence, knowing and trusting His precious and very great promises. Be firmly established in your faith- firm, stable, unshakeable. Faith in Christ is a power to be experienced. And God's power flows in the lives of those who rely on who God is and His righteousness. We must, day-by-day, go to his Word and search for His promises. Fix one or two in your mind and hold them there before you all day.

I used to view “waiting” as something akin to being a bench warmer. It’s taken several painful journeys for God to teach me that waiting on Him IS playing the game. And as such, it requires phenomenal endurance, strength, training and courage. To embrace a season of waiting is to embrace the authority of God, to willingly acknowledge that He has complete control. And it’s impossible to do that and not come to a place of greater peace. God desires for us to train our hearts to trust the heart of God with greater and greater stamina, so that if He should say to us, “Wait another month…wait another year…wait indefinitely,” we might courageously and willingly respond, “Yes, Lord!” If we do that, we’re not only out on the field, we’re winning the game. And who we become while we are waiting is as important as what we are waiting for. If you can learn that now, whatever your age, bless you. It’s taken me too long! :)

During the four days between my meltdown at church and the Catalyst conference later that week, I had a moment with the Lord where I realized just how great this waiting time had been for me. Truly. I mean, I was able to spend HOURS on end, in my bed (my happy place, ha!), reading, worshipping and just talking to Jesus. I had some of the sweetest moments of my life during those long months of waiting for His vision. To be able to hear His voice so clearly through the words of scripture I was reading, or through commentaries on chapters I was studying, or through worship songs He led me to was such a gift. I finally came to a place where I was able to truly declare (and really mean) that if He never allowed me to have another job ever again in my life, I would still be ok. Sure, I had a mortgage and bills to pay, but He’d taken care of me thus far, why would he stop? If my days of not having a job looked like spending several hours with him, and Him providing service opportunity after opportunity of really fun things to do, I no longer needed anything else. I told him that as long as I was communing with him in this intimate of a way, and able to hear His voice as clearly as I was, I no longer needed a title or job to define me. If you know me well, you know that deep down inside, I was proud that I’d only worked for Fortune 20 or Fortune 100 companies up until that point. I was proud of the titles I had held, and the money I was able to make. But now, I no longer cared at all about what company I was going to work for, what the title or job description was, where it was located in the city of Atlanta, or even if I made $3 a year or $300,000 a year. I decided I just wanted to keep waking up every day and feeling as FULLY ALIVE in Christ in my next job as I was without a job. My faith and my job had always been, unfortunately for the most part, separate. I even want to cringe after writing that, because who admits that? I do, apparently. I loved Jesus, but most people in that building would’ve never known. So, living fully alive in Christ in my job was now THE single, and most important, criteria when analyzing a job opportunity. I did not want what God had down in my heart through this waiting period to dwindle, just because a job came back into the picture.

So...fast forward back to the Catalyst Conference. Janelle and I were able to attend together, and right before the first session began, a guy who looked somewhat familiar to me came and asked if the 1 seat next to me was empty. I said yes, and he joined us. After that session was over, he asked us a couple of questions, and we came to realize that we all attend Passion City Church. I had trained him for our Touch Team several months prior. He, Bobby, mentioned that he had wavered back and forth on whether to attend the conference or not. He said he couldn’t really afford to take 2 days off from his business, but then he realized he couldn’t afford not to either. And when an email was sent out a few days prior giving all door holders at Passion City a huge discount on last minute tickets, he jumped in with both feet and committed. I was ecstatic, because, in a small part, I was a part of the conversation that led to our door holders getting that discount code, and what a blessing to hear how significant it was in his life. Bobby then said he tried to find any other friends from Roswell to carpool with him and to be able to share in the conference together, but he wasn’t able to find anyone. I remember telling him, “isn’t it so great of God to “randomly” sit you next to Janelle and me, who will make friends with a wall if we had to, and allow us to connect? We’d love to spend this conference with you. I’m so glad God did that for you.” (remember those last two words for later.)

Later that evening, after overhearing me share an update on my job progress, or lack thereof, Bobby asked me some more questions. He first asked me what type of job I was looking for. And that point, as nice as he was, it took everything inside of me to hold myself back from saying, “I’m SO tired of people asking me that question!! I don’t have a daggum clue, and I can’t give you an answer. I’m just waiting on God!! Don’t you know that?!?” Thankfully, I skipped that thought and just told him I didn’t know, but I did know that God was stirring up several passions in my heart, either new or renewed, but I just couldn’t put any of the pieces together, and that was the main reason I was at Catalyst. I was hoping God would finally put the pieces together for me. I told him what my past experience was, and he just politely smiled. Then, he asked me what I thought the passions were that God was stirring up most in me. During my interview process with the solar company, I ran across my DISC behavior profile test that I had completed several times while at Home Depot. Even though I had read through the reports on my natural behaviors several times, I had never read a few words on page 2 until I was reading them before my interview with the solar company. They said that I place my highest priority on building relationships, and connecting people. Interestingly enough, I knew that about myself to some degree, but when I read those words in writing on that paper that day, something in my head shifted. I realized how deeply I REALLY LOVE PEOPLE. So I mentioned this to Bobby and said that I’d love to do something that allows me to build relationships and love on people. And the next words of out his mouth changed the course of my life. He asked, with a great big grin on his face, “have you ever considered real estate?” I promptly said no. It was my go to response, of course, since one thousand people had asked me “have you ever considered (fill in the blank here) before?” literally over and over during those 7 months. Not one time did their suggestion or idea spark any interest in my heart. They always fell flat. So I had become accustomed to shooting a no really quickly back to any suggestion. But as soon as this particular no came out of my mouth, I felt the Holy Spirit grab me and say hold up a second. And in that moment, He reminded me that a year ago Philip, the director of Bright Futures that I had been serving with, sat me down and tried to get me to seriously consider real estate. He knew I would be great at it. But, at the time, I was still totally wrapped up in working for select companies, with select titles, and real estate did NOT fit in my box. Oh, can you hear me laughing now? Because I am. It’s funny to me. God is so patient with me. I told Bobby that I would pray about it that night. I also said that I had no idea what it would take to get started or what it would look like. He said that it would take about $2,000 to get started and about 4-6 months before I’d be making money. The $2,000 didn’t seem like a huge number to me. I didn’t really have it to spend, but it didn’t feel impossible. The 4-6 months of not making money felt impossible. But I decided to pray about it anyways.

A few minutes after our conversation, the evening session began. Our Passion worship team had come in to lead worship for that evening, and I could feel the atmosphere shift in the room even during soud check, when no one was around. It was maybe the most powerful time of worship I have experienced. The last song that Kristian sang started with the words: Promise Maker. Promise Keeper. You finish what you begin. When this song began, I was in a very calm state, standing still with my eyes closed and my arms out in front of me and my palms facing up. And in that moment, I saw Jesus standing in front of me. He took hold of my hands and said “Karen, I am a promise maker and I’m a promise keeper. And I WILL finish the work I began in you. You are not forgotten. I love you.” Tears were just rolling down my face. Even if I didn’t receive his vision for my next “footstep”, as I desired so much, THIS was enough for me. I saw Jesus. Funny enough, the night before when I couldn’t fall asleep, I was reading a book by Beth Redman, and happened to read through the chapter called You are not Forgotten.

Fast forward to the next day. Session after session, I was feverishly typing notes into my phone as fast as my pointer finger would go. There were some powerful messages. Mind shifting. I ran into an old friend from PCC who moved up north to go to seminary school over our lunch break, and we had a quick 20 minute catch up. I told her what Janelle had spoken over me the previous Sunday and told her I was desperate for God’s eyes to see what was next, but at that point in the conference I hadn’t had any breakthrough moments yet. After lunch, and during the second to last message, that moment started coming at me. Cory Booker, mayor of Newark, New Jersey was speaking. Brad from Catalyst had asked Cory if twenty years ago, after graduating law school, Cory saw himself where he was today in twenty years. Cory said he struggled with his vision and path for the future. He said he started working for a non profit straight out of law school, and many of his advisors around him thought that was the worst idea. They hammered him to get on with a top law firm. Cory struggled with how to move forward. Should he take his path, or the path that all these people wanted for him? At some point, he said, someone gave him the best advice, which was to find his mission, his purpose, and to stay true to that. So he had to take time to figure out what his mission was, and then he kept that front of mind with every decision he made. And that’s how he ended up where he is now- with great influence, loving his job and the opportunities God brought his way, and running for a seat on the Senate. I was so tired during his talk, and couldn’t focus much on anything else he said but this part. Something clicked when I heard that. Afterwards, Janelle needed to leave early and I was saying goodbye to her. She allowed me to process some things out loud. I told her about how I saw Jesus during worship the night before, and that I hadn’t received a vision from Him, but seeing Him was enough for me. Then I mentioned how much Cory’s talk struck a chord with me. I told her I needed to figure out what my mission was, and that from that I believed God would show me my next job. And then I, kind of off the cuff, mentioned my talk with Bobby from the previous night. I told her the same things as I wrote above, and said I focused in on telling him about how I want people to be a major focus for me. If you could’ve seen Janelle’s face when I told her that story. She had the biggest smile on her face, coupled with a “HELLO?!! are you hearing yourself!” look. She said, so calmly, “um, Karen. I think that’s your mission. That’s your purpose. PEOPLE ARE YOUR PURPOSE! Connecting people, and getting to know people, and helping people feel known- THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL FULLY ALIVE!!”

Oh man, more tears came down my face. Yes, that was it. My eyes were opened to see, that people are my purpose. It all seemed to come into focus now. After all, Bobby said at the end of our talk, “You know real estate is all about people, right?” hmmmm. Wow! I said to Janelle how crazy this was, and how much of a relief it was to now KNOW. I told her how Bobby said it would cost about $2,000 and take about 4-6 months to get started, and that the $2,000 didn’t seem too big, but the 4-6 months did. She looked me square in the eyes and said, “I don’t know why you’re even bringing that up right now. If God called you to this, He WILL provide.” I agreed. My mind was blown. I had waited for this for so many months. Years, really. And now I had the eyes to see. Janelle needed to head out and I was so tempted to leave early with her since I was so exhausted and on information overload. But there was a strong tugging in my heart to stay. So, I did. Andy Stanley was the last speaker, and spoke directly after my conversation with Janelle. He gave a great talk about Leadership 101. In the very middle of his talk, he stood up from his chair, told everyone they needed to stop what they were doing and look up at him. He said, “Someone here needs to hear this word. Everyone listen. Eyes up front on me. There’s someone in the audience who needs to hear this: Do not EVER let money or finances stand in the way of what God has called you to.” And then sat back down and continued on with his talk that had nothing to do with that word. I wanted to jump up from my seat and scream out loud that that word was for ME! And I knew, without a doubt that God was calling me into real estate.

Two days later, at church, I ran into the one and only Bob Day. Bob is on our financial oversight board at church, and has been super successful in commercial real estate. He is also a connector of people. So I asked him who he thought I could meet with to find out more about real estate. He said while he was talking, God told him I needed to meet with Rich Richardson and to call him the next day for his information. The next night, I was babysitting for a friend. When she and her husband came home, they asked me about Catalyst. So I told them the story and Meredith said they knew several people in real estate they could connect me with. When I asked her to share a name, she looked at her husband and said, “I think Rich Richardson would be a great person for you to meet with.” And over the course of that week 5 other people mentioned Rich as well. Mmmm, k...clearly I needed to meet this Rich Richardson guy! So I set up a meeting with Bobby, from the conference, and with Rich. More to come on how those played out and how God gave me some incredible confirmation that I am definitely a connector of people.

Part 2 of my journey to my calling: The Active Waiting

If you didn’t get a chance to read Part 1, you can do it here. It helps set the stage for this part of the story. It was March 2013 when I was laid off from Bluelinx. I took a couple of days to rest and recover from what happened. Immediately, though, I knew that I wanted to use my newly found free time for a purpose. And within a couple of days, there were a few projects at church that I was able to jump on board to help with. Shortly after that, Bright Futures Atlanta, an academy and after-school program on the Westside in the Bankhead neighborhood that I have been serving with for a couple of years, needed some full-time help. This wouldn’t be a paid position, but I wasn’t worried about finances. Remember how God had already shown His provision over my finances? It was a perfect way to set me up to serve without the real need of being paid. So for the next 3 months, I worked with them to fundraise for their new building through the Georgia Tax Credit Scholarship Program (which if you don’t know about, you should! It’s a FREE-to-you tax gift for underprivileged children) and through planning their annual Golf Tournament. I was able to raise about $50,000 for them through the tax program in a month and a half, secure over $10,000 in donated gifts for the raffle and auction, which helped raise about $30,000 from their golf tournament as a whole. I call that a win-win. It was mutually beneficial for them and for me. God gave me purposeful things to do with my time, as I was waiting for Him to lead me to my next career path. The week after the tournament was over, though, I wasn’t really needed there full time any longer. I could still show up at any time, but I began to feel the pressure of needing to secure a job. I decided to take a day off to unplug from everything again. I hadn’t done that in a while, and I needed a fresh word of encouragement from God in order to be able to press on. That afternoon, I was driving the 45 minute drive to my chiropractor’s office. I came to a part of the road I was on that didn’t have a stop light for a couple of miles. In that moment, there were no cars ahead of me or behind me, in either direction. I had my radio off and was praying out loud. Up to that point, I had had some sweet moments of worship and scripture reading that day, but no “word” yet. When I came to this part of the drive, the Lord spoke to my heart and said, “See how I have you on this wide open road. This road is empty- don’t get distracted by other drivers. This road is long and narrow, with no stoplights- don’t be tempted to speed and go too fast. This part of the road has no side streets- don’t be tempted to turn to soon. I can turn you to the right or to the left at any time. I just need you to keep driving forward, and I’ll turn you when I’m ready.” “Okay, Lord. As long as I can hear your voice, I’ll keep driving,” I said.

One week later, on Memorial Day, I was getting ready to head to a friend’s house for a cookout. I woke up, and started my day in bed with Jesus, reading and worshipping. At some point, the song “Oceans” by Hillsong, came on and I started balling as I sang “You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail. And there I find You in the mystery, In oceans deep, my faith will stand. And I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours and You are mine” And then, “Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your sovereign hand will be my guide.  Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you've never failed and You won't start now. Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you will call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.” I had sung this song for many weeks already, but on this day, it was really hitting me hard. I put it on repeat and sang it through multiple times. At a certain point, I was becoming late for the cookout. So I got in the shower, but I kept it on repeat and sang it several more times while in the shower- still crying my eyes out. My heart was telling God this is what I wanted, but my flesh was feeling grief over giving up the control and forcing myself to keep driving until He turned me, to step out onto the waters where my feet might fail. During the hour drive to my friend’s house, I turned on pandora, and song after song after song came on that expressed exactly the words my heart needed to say out loud to God. I was an emotional wreck, but what a cleansing day that was.

As I was updating my friends that evening about my current thoughts and desires, one of my friends mentioned that He knew about an opening at City of Refuge. COF is a ministry, also on the Westside of Atlanta, that brings hope through Jesus and life transformation through many amazing branches of their ministry to the least and last of the Atlantans in their neighborhood. They are also in Bankhead, which is one of the poorest and most crime-ridden neighborhoods in the city. COF happens to host the Bright Futures Academy space on their campus, and I had come to know several of their leadership on staff well during the last few months of working closely with Bright Futures. I was thrilled to think of the possibility to work with them in a new, soon-to-be-created Program Manager role. Over the course of the next four months, we stayed in talks about this position, and I felt like the Lord was going to open the door to working with them. At first, it felt perfect. As I mentioned earlier, even when I took the sales job with Bluelinx, I felt the Lord stirring something in my heart that was bigger and different than any job I’d ever thought of. This job with COF fit the bill of “something completely different” than corporate America perfectly. I would be able to have some influence over major parts of their business. And it would allow me to use multiple passions and gifts, instead of being pigeon-holed into a small list of responsibilities, as I had experienced in corporate America, with no influence on decisions at all.

Somewhere during this four month courtship with COF, another opportunity came my way to do distribution sales and supply chain work with a newish start-up solar panel company. The way that opportunity came my way felt like huge favor from the Lord. I met with the hiring manager the day after he first reached out. He mentioned he had been looking at my resume since March (it’s was now June) trying to figure out where to hire me into the company, and he basically said he would do whatever it took to bring me on to the company. Our meeting went well, but I was hung up on the commute, which would be miserable. He told me to go home and mull it over and he would reach out after a trip the next week. After two weeks of then not hearing from him after I told him I’d like to move forward in the process, I was getting anxious. This opportunity excited me a great deal, and COF hadn’t confirmed they were actually going to hire me. I kept wanting so bad to reach out to this solar company manager and ask him what the delay was and to remind him how interested I was in this job. (read: I wanted to take control of the situation and force it to play out my way.) Something in my spirit kept telling me no. A few friends would ask if I had followed up with him, and again I would tell God I really needed to call him or send him an email. He must’ve gone on his emergency trip to New York and completely forgotten about me or changed his mind, right God? I needed to refresh his memory! I remember every single morning one week waking up and asking “okay, God. is today the day I can follow up with this guy?” And I just kept hearing, “No.” At the end of that week, as I was preparing for my bible study that night in 1 Peter, I was listening to a message on 1st Peter Chapter 5 by John Piper called “Anxieties: To be Cast not Carried.” Growing up in church, I had heard verses 5 and 6 many times before, but Piper presented them in a completely new light for me that struck me to the core. From the NASB version, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that he may lift you up at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you.” Piper went on to say,

“The threat in this text that tempts us to be anxious is not explicitly prison or injury or slander or plundering of property or loss of money. The threat is humility. Or to put it another way, the reason Peter deals with the problem of anxiety is because he is dealing with the problem of humility. Somehow the command for humility makes the command to cast our anxiety on God more urgent, more needed.” And then the mind-shifting part, “The NIV and RSV put a period at the end of verse 6 and make verse 7 into a new sentence. "Humble yourselves . . . Cast all your anxiety on him." But that break obscures the connection. The NASB and the KJV don't have a period because verse 7 does not start a new sentence in the original Greek. It is part of the sentence in verse 6 and continues with a participle: not, ‘Cast all your anxiety on him . . . ," but, " . . . casting all your anxiety on him.’ ‘Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’ Not: ‘Humble yourselves. And cast your anxiety.’ But: ‘Humble yourselves . . . casting your anxiety.’

Casting your anxiety on God is crucial if you are going to humble yourself under God's hand and clothe yourself with humility toward each other. Casting your anxiety on God is not simply a separate thing that you do after you humble yourself. It's something you do in order to humble yourself, or in the process of humbling yourself. It looks like humility is a threat that causes anxiety. And if we are going to be humble with God and with each other, we are going to have to cast our anxiety on God. That's the connection between verse 7 and what goes before. But why does humility create anxiety? Why does humility take courage? Why do we need someone to take our anxiety away in order for us to be humble? You can see the answer easily if you just start thinking of some examples of humility…It means, when you've made a mistake, admitting it and saying you're sorry. It means, when you are weak or sick or inadequate for a task, not being too proud to ask for help. It means doing some ordinary jobs and spending time with ordinary people and being indifferent to accolades.

...The secret of humility is being able to cast your anxiety on God. Note the connection between humbling yourself under God's mighty hand in verse 6 and casting your anxiety on God in verse 7. God is the focus in both verses, and the connection is this: before you can put yourself humbly under God's mighty hand, you have to put your anxiety confidently in God's mighty hand. God wants to be a burden bearer because it demonstrates his power and puts him in a class by himself among the so-called gods of the universe. Here is where the rubber meets the road. How do you practically make the anxiety transfer from your back to God's back? The answer is: trust that he cares for you. Believe this promise. Trust him. It's a matter of practical trust. That promise does not hang in the air. It is connected to a command and the promise is meant to show you how to obey the command. The command is, Cast your anxiety on God. The promise is, God cares for you. That means, he cares about the thing that has you worrying. He wants to be trusted for that. Lay a specific anxiety on God. Trust him specifically that he cares about that. Believe that he is God. His purposes cannot be thwarted. When it says that he cares, it means he will not stand by and let things develop without his influence. It means he will act. He will work. Not always the way we would. He's God. He sees a thousand connections we don't see.”

Wow, even grabbing those lines from Piper’s message and pasting them here just boosted my courage again! God said to me, “I’m saying no to you following up with that manager because that’s you trying to take the control back...again. I’m asking you to humble yourself to my control. I see a thousand connections you don’t see, and I’m at work. Just trust me. And cast your anxious thoughts on me, not just because I’m God and I’m big enough to take them, but because I truly care for what you care for. I love you.” He’s so patient with me. So patient. So I waited some more. A week later, I got a call from that sales manager’s co worker in Supply Chain. She said they had just gone through a two or three week transition where the entire organization was reorganized and that I was no longer needed on the other manager’s team, but that she now needed me on her team to build out their supply chain. What?!? They wanted me in a critical role, to build their supply chain basically from scratch. I was floored. I met her for lunch 2 days later, on a Saturday, and again, she expressed complete interest in me. After going to the beach for a week later that day, I check in with her on my return. She wanted me to meet with her boss, to get a better picture of the company, and to make sure this is what I wanted before I signed on. The meeting with her boss and one of her teammates went terribly. I walked away having no idea what had just happened, and why they spoke so poorly of her as a manager and of the company. I still have no idea why all of that came about the way it did, and then evaporated into thin air after my meeting with them. However, I am thankful I didn’t take that job without meeting those guys before hand to know it wasn’t a great fit for me. And in hindsight, where I’m at now is a million times better for me than I even thought that job could be.

After being let down by not getting that job with the Solar company, I was back to waiting solely on the City of Refuge job. I had another meeting with the guy there, and he told me they were finally ready to fill the position. He was told he must post it to the public for two weeks, and that after he sifted through the resumes that came through, he would meet with me and 1 or 2 other people to narrow it down. But he gave me the impression I was going to get the job. Fast forward another five or so weeks, and after several cancelled meetings with him and unreturned phone calls, and I was getting frustrated in the waiting. I had waited long enough. I was ready to be back on a schedule. I was ready to have a job again, something to give me purpose. At church one Sunday afternoon, the friend who first told me about the job about four months prior, now told me he had heard they filled the position. As soon as the words came out, he could tell I didn’t already know and he felt terrible. I tried not to react in front of him, but I was crushed. And confused. And I needed a moment to release all of those feelings. I texted a few friends. None of them were at church that day, and one of them was in a meeting in that moment. After talking myself out of going home and getting in bed to ignore what just happened, I decided to wait for Janelle to finish her meeting. Thankfully, she knew all of the details leading up to this moment, and all I had to say was that the job was filled, and she knew exactly how I felt. I remember saying (actually out loud) that this was the last job in my view and with it being gone, what would I have to put my hope in. As soon as those words came out, I came face to face with them. I knew that ultimately, my hope is found in the Lord, but without this job I had nothing tangible to look towards. There was now nothing else that “looked different” than any other job I’d ever had to hold out hope for. In fact, there was now no job at all to hold out hope for.

I told Janelle that I felt like I was in this really long tunnel, and that I was smack dab in the middle of the long tunnel. It was so long that I couldn’t see light either in front of or behind me. Just total darkness. It wasn’t oppressive darkness, but I simply could not see where to place my next step. I told her that I desperately needed a vision, or a job description. I needed even just a tiny ounce of light to shine on the space in front of me to show me where to place my foot. I was desperate for eyes to see His vision. Tears were slowly rolling down my face, but I was in the middle of our volunteer room, and I was trying to hide them from everyone. That lasted only a minute, as Edy Rouse turned the corner and saw me wiping tears away. As she walked closer, I put my finger out to her and said firmly, “Don’t touch me. I WILL lose it.” She’s so great, and decided not to listen to me, and pulled me close. I clasped my hands in front of my face and started sobbing. This was the hardest, and loudest, cry I’d had to date in this whole journey since being laid off. Edy and Janelle began to pray over me. Mind you, Edy had no idea in that moment what she was praying for. Sweet Lucy, from our building staff, came along and prayed over me with them as well. And at the end, Edy said “God, I don’t know what’s going on, but I know you can calm her spirit. Would you do that now? Rush calm over her, and give her peace.” And instantly I stopped crying. After the prayer was over, Janelle said she felt the Lord say to her that He was going to give me a vision before He was going to give me a job description, and He was going to do that for me at the Catalyst Conference, which was four days away.

Part 1 of the journey to my calling: Leaving my job at Home Depot

I’ve wanted to sit down and write this story of God’s relentless, patient, long-suffering and abundant lovingkindness over the last 2-3 years for awhile now, but it’s felt too big to put on paper. I should’ve been writing the pieces of this story along the journey. I’ve literally spent as many as 4 hours recounting all the details of part 3 and 4 of this story to friends in person. Those are some good friends, to indulge me like that! But, with my terrible memory these days, I want to be able to read this again in six months, in six years and beyond to help remember. Reminding ourselves of God’s faithfulness is what helps us build our courage back up to press on. I can’t promise this will be a quick read, but if you’re in need of some remembering or recounting of the ways God loves us on in every detail, this will be worth it for you. Part 1 today, Part 2, 3 and 4 coming over the next couple of days. (I told you this was long!)

If you didn’t know me well during the years I worked at Home Depot, consider yourself pretty lucky. Renee McKenzie can tell you firsthand that I cried or screamed almost on a daily basis over the last 2 years of working there. To make another super long story short, and to help set the scene for where this change all began, it’s important for me to remember God brought me through and out of that situation. I worked there for about 5 years, and at some point, out of my own pride and stubbornness, I began digging a deep hole for myself. One that I could not, in my own strength, get myself out of. Not all of what I went through there was of my own doing, although parts of it were. Some of it was just pure injustice. In fact, I think it began with injustice. And out of that, anger and bitterness was born. There were multiple things that happened to either tarnish the relationship and trust I had built with other people towards me or to tarnish my name with people I needed on my side. The last thing was a project I was piloting alone for the entire company before rolling it out to everyone else. It went very awry and fast, to the tune of almost $20million of inventory going to the wrong places. Inventory that would never sell in those places. It wiped out our vendors, and therefore it wiped out our future 3 month supply, and it caused me and my buyer to completely miss every financial goal we had for the year end after having had a pretty decent year. The guy who lead the project was a jerk and didn’t believe me enough to even look into the issues I brought to him, let alone make any changes. My manager, and senior manager were not on my side either, and didn’t want to make waves. So I asked my buyer (who held all of the power anyways) to step in to make things change. I knew he was on my side and I knew his words held power. I wanted to do the right thing for my business, truly. But, I also wanted to stick it to the jerk who wouldn’t own up to his errors. Little did I know just how much visibility this “small” soon to be big project had with every level of leadership in the company. That was the worst decision I made to date. I should’ve kept going up the chain in my own line of business until I felt heard. Instead, I took the easy route. And at the end of the day, my manager and senior manager disowned me, and the project lead made it his life’s work to make sure everyone in the company knew I was trouble, always negative, never supportive of anything and to attempt to get me fired. Over the course of a year, I tried to leave that team. I’d take almost any other job in that building at that point. I interviewed for more than 40 jobs, and each time was the second to last person in the process. On many occasions, I was told the job was mine, but then the offer wouldn’t quite reach my desk. Why? Because either my senior manager or the project lead would find out about it and call the hiring manager to make sure I didn’t get the offer. For more than a year, my closest friends begged me to just quit. They were tired of seeing me mistreated, and tired of hearing me complain. But I was stubborn and kept saying I hadn’t heard the Lord tell me to leave. And with over 5,000 jobs in that building, surely there was ONE out there for me. I was bitter, and stuck inside my head, and although towards the end I was turning to Jesus for help and rescue, I still was not ready to let go of all the control. Even when I was put on notice that the next wrong move I made would get me fired, I still wasn’t ready. I was able to spend a weekend with my aunt, one of my spiritual mentors, during the last several months of being at Home Depot. She said she felt like the Lord was saying He was taking me through the fire of refinement and that He wanted to break me of my stubbornness and show me what true submission looked like. She also told me He said for me to just be quiet. Somewhere inside of me, even though I was hanging tightly to the control, I was trying to release it little by little and allow Him the room to change me. So I hung on to her words, and those of several others confirming the same things. I was desperate and waiting for Him to get me out of the mess.

A few months later, and about a couple weeks before the final straw, I served at Lift, a worship leader collective at our church led by Louie and our worship team. Christy Knockels gave a talk that changed my focus and my life. I learned that this pruning process I was going through was for my protection in the long run. I really understood that only Jesus can give me the stamp of approval that my soul searches for, and that sometimes He withholds approval from others because He wants me to know that only He can provide that need for approval that He himself created in me. I walked away with a new mindset that I would surrender my position for His presence- the deep longing to be promoted out of this job, surrendered in place of knowing Him more fully and feeling His presence constantly. I walked away knowing how dwelling and delighting in Him was much more necessary than anything else. Psalm 37 verses 3 through 6 became my life verses. “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day, and stamp you with approval at high noon. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him.”

A short time after that I remember crying on a friend’s couch after taking a personal day off of work to ignore the hurtful conversation I had the day prior when I was told I had one more strike left, and she asked me “now do you feel like it’s time to cut your losses and quit?” “No,” I said, “I still don’t feel like that’s what God is saying to me.” I think every person around me thought I was just plain nuts. But looking back, I definitely did not hear God say that to me...until He said that to me. After one really intense week, I have a pivotal conversation with a trusted co worker who the Holy Spirit used to finally knock some sense into me. I rallied the troops around me- all 10 or 11 older women from Passion City, who the Lord put in my life to come alongside me with wisdom and lots of grace. I asked them to cover me in prayer over the course of that weekend as I felt the need to completely unplug from people and life and get on my knees before God to hear if He was really asking me to leave my job. That Sunday morning, after a couple days of feeling a lot of confirmation, I still wasn’t completely sure. I told God, very candidly, that I felt Him leading me towards leaving, but something in my mind was holding me back from saying yes. I couldn’t put my finger on what the issue was, and I told him, “you made my brain. You figure that part out. You figure out what I need to hear from you to be 100% confident that you are telling me to quit my job, even while I have a mortgage and no other means to help me.” And right behind that, he gently said to me, “your issue is that you don’t really trust that I will provide another job for you. You think there is a chance I will leave you hanging. This is your chance to put into practice everything you’ve learned about me. If you trust me, you will say yes to this. Step out and see that I WILL provide.” And so I did.

The best, most restful, life-giving, faith building 2 months of my life followed, and then I took a job in sales for building products. The way that job came about is a God-story in itself. It could’ve only been God. But, in the back of my head, I felt something stirring in my heart that felt bigger and way different than this job in sales. Nonetheless, buying and/or selling were on my list of next roles to venture in to, and this job encompassed both supply chain management aspects as well as sales. It would be a great “get my feet wet” in sales role. Two people in my life said that this job would be a great stepping stone. Little did I know, it really would be just that. 9 months later, after the company realized the economy hadn’t bounced back enough quite yet, they let me and the other new guy go. I was stunned and mostly upset about how shady it all went down. But, the day before being laid off, I received 2 checks from my mortgage company, after beginning the process of refinancing my mortgage many months earlier. They were for the previous month’s mortgage, which I didn’t need to pay, and the remaining balance of my old escrow account. I knew immediately when I was laid off that God was already in the details of this part of the story. Those checks were a way for me to know that He was already on the scene, working things for my good and for His glory, even five months prior when the refinancing process began. Let’s be honest, He knew waaaay before five months, but to see that His hand was at work even before this all went down was mind-blowing. He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides.

...Part 2 tomorrow.

Gina & Jonathan: aka Ginathan

I've had this post written for a week. I'm just lazy, and also couldn't get any pictures to post. 

.....

February 7th was a special day. Two of my closest friends here in Atlanta got engaged. Yay! 

It was a dreary Saturday morning, when I woke up and wanted to go back to sleep since it was dark and cold outside. I was struggling to stay awake when a super fun phone call came just in the nick of time. Jonathan called to ask if I would be willing to secretly, yet not secretly, plan to take pictures of him and Gina on Feb 7th. I said sure, and he got a little quiet, contemplative. I knew what was coming, and with a huge smile that no one could see I said, "is it for what I think it's for?"

From that point on, I was sworn to secrecy, with only Rickey (the other accomplice) to speak about it with. It was HARD, oh so hard to keep the secret, especially since Gina knew it was coming in the near future and we had several conversations about it. After several, and by several I mean 5 thousand, conversations everything was planned out and ready to go. The week before, when mentioning it to Gina, she got a little camera shy and antsy and decided she didn't want to take pictures until after she got engaged. After meant never, to her, haha. Jonathan and I both freaked out for about two seconds, and then played it down as if I never knew her thoughts. She never told me no, so I was still "planning" on it. 

After picking out a perfect outfit, super cute red shoes, and a colorful scarf as an accessory, the three of us headed off to Little Five Points in Atlanta. There was a festival or something going on, and it couldn't be a more perfect mid-winter day. The buildings were beautifully painted multi colors, and the people were eclectic. The pictures are so great! After busting my knee and elbow in front of thousands in the MIDDLE of an intersection, I decided it was time to leave. My elbow still hurts- two weeks later. We headed off to Oakland Cemetery for even more perfect pictures. The sun was beginning to set, and the light was amazing. 

"Hurried" to get back home for the "symphony" that night, I got them in the car and we headed to "this place I had driven by the other day that looked cool"- aka The Paces House, in the Vinings. There, Rickey was waiting patiently with food prepared and the room set up. Ginathan and I wondered around the property a bit, and took more good pictures. Then, I "needed a different flash that was in the car" and started walking away from the two of them. That's when Jonathan worked his magic and proposed. He prepared dinner, a song, and even a beautifully drawn picture of the two of them. The day was PERFECT- at least in my eyes. Ask Jonathan how he thought it was, since he's the perfectionist ;).

Here are 2 of my favorite pictures from the day-- scratch that, it will only let me upload one currently. The love Gina and Jonathan share for each other, and the passion they have for leading people into communion with the Lord will never grow tired. They are sincerely perfect for each other, and I canNOT wait for them to be one, sharing everything in life together. Blessings to you two!

Teach me to do Your will...

Today was the first service and gathering of Passion City Church, led by the amazing Louie Giglio. I have always been led to the cross and drawn to HIS faithfulness and grace whenever I head Louie. You may know him from Passion conferences or 7:22 at Northpoint Church. 

Rickey and I went together. We both know for a fact that Buckhead Church is a GREAT church, and that is has been a facilitator for us both in creating lasting, meaningful friendships here in Atlanta. Andy Stanley has taught me a lot, and I have really enjoyed most of our super talented worship leaders. Still...there is something missing. I am not as challenged as I should be. I am not as motivated to serve as I should be. There's something missing. 

Tonight, I just may have found it. And i'm super excited about what's to come. More of Jesus. Yes, please. We stood in line for, oh, about 45 minutes. It got cold, after having had a warm day. We were hungry, so we ate dinner in line. The line was wrapped about the corners of Luckie Street in downtown Atlanta. Our destination: The Tabernacle. 

I learned tonight that the Tabernacle was built in 1913 by the pastor of then 3rd Baptist Church, Doctor Broughton. Pastor Broughton built the church in Atlanta, then called Terminus, near the terminal of trains in the center of Atlanta nearby. He knew he wanted to draw in all the people of the city. And on the first day of service is this new location, they turned away 3 thousand people, after allowing several thousand to squeeze in. A real doctor, Dr. Broughton, found some girls on the street that had sores and may have not survived, and brought them in. With that, he started an infirmary next door, to really reach the unreached. It is now Georgia Baptist Medical Center. And he started a nursing school, now a part of Emory I believe. What better place to start a church that is focused on reaching people? It was special. 

Passion City Church is new. We don't know what kind of church it will turn out to be, or where it will be. But Louie said that the core group wanted to "live" in these 4 statements: 

Passion City Church is:

- For God

- For people

- For the city

- For the world

A church for God? What? Isn't that what most churches are about? Really? ....maybe. Maybe not. Think for a second. Have you ever left church and, instead of commenting about how you liked this part or that, or how you thought this part needed a bit of work, asked, "God, what did you think? Were you glorified? Were you pleased?" It's just bringing us back to the basics. Yes, we as christians are called to be light, and the church is called to bring people into community. But, first and foremost, the church, the building and the body, is here for God. To love God. To serve God. To be the light and love of God. And I was reminded of that tonight.

I felt alive and soo, soo close to the feet of God tonight as I passionately worshipped God, with others who were passionately worshipping God. Each person who came tonight, came to visit the Throne. I think that's part of what I've felt is missing. At most churches there are, for sure, people who are passionately loving the Lord. And then there are those who aren't. And it just felt amazing to be surrounded by everyone in church, who are dropping everything and going for it. Just going for it. I just felt the presence of the Lord, and oh how sweet it is. I want to feel it every day. I want to be inspired and challenged to look for it, and sit and wait for it, every day. 

At the end of the day, I exist for God. I exist to bring Him praise, and I am ok with that. I am grateful that I am here to do that, and that He has saved me, and reminds me daily of his grace that has brought me here. I want to be a reflector and conduit of His love. I want to give Him GLORY. I want to exist for You, God- first and foremost. 

I mess up....all the time. But I am so very thankful for your grace and forgiveness.  I'm thankful that you are always by me, and you always long for me to sit in your lap and spend time with you. Thank you for allowing me to adorn a garment of praise, instead of a spirit of despair. 

Amen.

Louise O'Connor

In case you haven't found out my deep, dark secret...my middle name is Louise. PLEASE don't go telling everyone. I hate it...really. And on a side note, I still can't figure out why they didn't get it to Jessica (Lauren, btw), who was the firstborn girl. 

Today, I love my middle name. I am named after Louise O'Connor, my faith-ful, amazing Grandmother. She will be 90 years old in just a few short days. She may not live much longer- since she has cancer. She doesn't want to live any longer, and Lord help-me, I don't blame her. She's been miserable for 6 or 8 years since he husband died. 

Jess, Anna-Jane and I went to Columbia today to visit her for Christmas. I am so thankful for the heart Jesus gave me for her today. Bless her, you have to YELL at the top of your lungs while having a "normal" conversation for her to be able to hear you. It's hard. If I couldn't barely see or hear either, I would hate it too. We spent awhile talking, and Anna-Jane played the violin some, to break up the awkwardness a bit. We went to lunch with Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Joe, and then came back to visit her once more before heading back to Charlotte. What I will remember most, is sitting on the floor next to her chair before leaving, and holding her hand, while speaking truth into her life. The same truth she's been speaking into my life all these years. That girl's grip was as tight as it could ever be. She was loving on me, and I was loving on her. I held her head in my heads, and kissed her soft cheek, and then said "I love you, and am so thankful for you as my grandmother. I am blessed to have had you praying over my life all this time, and I'm going to be praying for you each day. I'll pray for your strength, and health, and comfort." She just looked at me back, and said "I've been praying for you Karen. I'm going to try to keep praying for you." She can barely speak, hear or see, but she still has a servant's fervant heart of prayer. Bless her, Lord. 

My other favorite memory of her growing up is letting her fix me lunch as a kid. She'd fix me my ten-year only lunch time meal- peanut butter and honey sandwhiches. She would cut the crust off, and give it to me on her brown plates. It was SO delicious. I'd sit on her stool, next to her kitchen counter, and eat while watching the daily Days of Our Lives show she loved so much. Then, Jessica and I would head back to her room and watch Nickelodeon on her bedroom tv. Sweet memories I have of her. All sweet. All loving, and faithful praying. All true. I can't think of one bad memory of her. 

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

I l-o-v-e-d Christmas this year. I mostly enjoy the sweet family-time we get. It's highly unusual for Jessica and me to be in our parents' house together, so it is such a treat. I wasn't exactly sure how this year would go. I was coming home for a whole week...yes, I'm so grateful to be out of the office for a freakin weekend baby (two really)! Anna-Jane was the only one getting any real presents. And, the brother and his wife were not heard from in awhile. 

The Christmas tree ended up being pretty dang full for the "crisis" we were supposed to be in individually. My favorite part was watching mom open her "designer jeans" I got her, and knowing that I was able to bless her with several articles of clothing. She's gonna look hoottttt.

My dad wrote me SUCH a good letter. He's notorious for writing letters...and normally we make fun of him for it...but it really is how he gets all of his thought out, and this letter was PRICEless. Seriously! I could've cried for days...and, I probably will when I dare to open it again. 

To top it off, we had the sweetest family prayer I think we've ever had. I can't remember the last time we had a tear-jerking, get on your knees, I need some LARGE help from Jesus prayer. I always cry when I pray....I guess I mess up some much, and when I get on my achy knees before the Lord, I am reminded of His never-ending grace, and his amazing faithfulness. It was truly a sweet moment with our Provider. I'm believing he WILL provide. Amen.

I pray that Jesus is your focus today, and every day. Really. It's hard in our hustley-bustley lives that we walk in. It's DEFINITELY hard during this present-centered holiday that we create. It's hard period. But he is worth our attention. He deserves it. And if we turn our focus a little bit each day, we won't have to work so hard during Christmas, to remember the reason for the season. Like Pastor Livingston said, it's hard to just talk about the Christmas story- Jesus' birth, when that is only a small piece of the puzzle. Jesus dying perfectly, to save our sorry butts and His Grace should also be talked about and remembered. Without that full picture, we aren't gaining the whole aspect of what we should be thankful for. 

Christmas Spirit...thanks for coming

I am FINALLY in the Christmas spirit, officially.

Last night I decided to dig through my guest bedroom closet to find my medium sized fake Christmas tree. Fake, you ask? Yes. I know...it's not the same...you're right. But, when you work 12 hours a day, and are hardly home on the weekends, plus home for a week for Christmas, you would agree that a fake tree is better than a burnt-down home. I still need to find the ornaments and other decorations to hand. I also put a small, already-lit tree on my bar overlooking my kitchen and den. It's perfect!

Today at work, we took an hour out to build some christmas themed bookshelves for kids in need. This week we've built over 3000! It was so fun....the room smelled like Christmas. It was decorated with a tree and light and lots of other holiday decor. Then, in the (loud) background we had some fun Christmas music playing.

We also had our IPR (Inventory Planning & Replenishment) department Christmas party today. It's a bit early, and lame to have it during the day if you ask me...but that's Home Depot for you. I'm used to going to someone's house or to a nice restaurant with the team, and exchanging real presents. Not so here. I'll deal. BUT, we did eat really yummy (thanksgiving-ish) food for lunch, which later almost put me in a coma at work. And we had an elephant gift exchange. At the end, they asked us to look under our chair for numbers. I had one! Although i was last, number 18, I was able to pick from the blow-up, LED lit, christmas decorations. I was kinda bummed, because being last there was nothing left. Now, after a few hours, my treats have grown on me. I got an LED gingerbread woman, which is now hanging on the side of my cube with an orange Home Depot apron. And I also got a tipsy, topsy, Dr-Suess-looking lit set of boxes. It's actually super cute.

I'm so truly happy toady. No, joyous. That's what the Christmas holiday brings for me. Joy. I really contemplate often how thankful I am for my circumstances, friends, job, family etc. And I'm thankful that everyone else is thankful and normally in a sweet mood (except for at a mall, lol).

Merry Christmas! It's not too far away anymore.

Thankful Thursday- For my Birthday

Today I'm hitting 2 posts in one- Thankful Thursdays and Thanks for Making my Birthday Fun.

So, in case you're out of the loop, I turned the BIG 2-5 on Tuesday. Tuesday! ...of all days my big birthday could be on (there were 6 others to choose from), it had to fall on a lame, working day. Although I was gearing up for a lame, working day Birthday, I was very surprised.

First, I woke up (super tired, since I didn't sleep well) to a voicemail left at 6:30 am from my Mom, Dad and Anna-Jane. Priceless. They were all singing happy birthday to me. It was great.

Then, I hit work, late as usual. I had a meeting with my buyer and her/my assistant and they both brought my flowers and a card. We mostly socialized through the meeting, instead of actually getting work done. When i got back to my desk, I had an email from my manager asking where I wanted to go for lunch and that it would be "on him." Sweet! Of course I chose my favorite restaurant here, one that is still too expensive to spend lunch on- Houstons! Breaded chicken tenders with the best cole slaw and skinny fries- HERE i come! Oh it was delish. After lunch we had a department wide meeting where they had cupcakes (not for me, but I can pretend) and they made me lead the Home Depot cheer. Not so much fun, but laughable. I basically only did a little bit of work Tuesday.

Once I got home, I rolled up to Fedex and UPS boxes on my porch. Yay! Presents. I was confused at first, trying to remember what my latest Ebay purchase was and if this was the time it'd be arriving. I looked at the addresses, and didn't recognize any of them. Not to mention, one was in a Blackberry Verizon box. I said to myself "SHUT UP!, did someone buy me a blackberry!" ...then it hit me that these were birthday presents. I'm dumb. But it was funny. My brother, who I never talk to, called me soonafter, acting as a recruiter from Lowe's. He said he wanted to bring me back to Charlotte, and take me away from Home Depot. I bought it, for half a second, before I asked who it was and where they were calling from. He said it was so-and-so from DC...and then I knew it was him. It was really great talking to him.

To end the night, I ate with all of my friends (15 showed up!) at Cracker Barrell. I know it sounds a bit lame, for a birthday dinner, but when my friend Katie mentioned it a week before, I couldn't get the yumminess of the food out of my mind. And OH was it Yummy! Pictures to come. What was so great is that a) someone paid for my dinner. So nice! and b) Gina and Jonathan bough chocolate cake for everyone, and gave me 3 separate red velvet cupcakes from the best cake place here in Atlanta. It was SO cute. She knew red velvet is my favorite cake, but I told her it wasn't a crowd pleaser, and to get something everyone would like. She surprised me. It was so sweet!

I realize this is a long post, but there is SO much more I could say about this birthday. I really TRULY loved it, and everyone who participated in it with me. More to come...as I like to have a birthday "month"...so I can celebrate in Charlotte, Atlanta, and everywhere else.

Love you all!

Thankful Thursdays

Today I'm thankful for:

1) the fact that the campaign is finally over, and we have a new President
2) for women like Beth Moore who speak truth into my life, right when i need it- about praying for our new president
3) discount halloween candy, since I didn't trick or treat. My favorite is all things Resse's
4) my parents- both are coming down to be with me for my procedure, and to FINALLY spend time with me in the ATL
5) the doctor's office being willing to work out a payment plan for my procedure, so i'm not out of $500 at once- during the holiday season, nonetheless
6) Thursdays at work- normally they are slow and I get to go walk the stores and the competition
7) Macy's, since I found a CUTE new duvet cover for my guest bedroom and it's on SALE :)

What are you thankful for today?